Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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