We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
