Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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