who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
