I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
