I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
