Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
