Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
