my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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