im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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