Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
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thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
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I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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