he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
