We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
