just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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