All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
