An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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