That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This is my gift to your gina
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
