Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
