i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
