I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
