true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
