Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
