Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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