porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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