I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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