you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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