I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am mentally ready for anal.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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