I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
