My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
