Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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