i just had sex bonerless
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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