Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
