currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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