walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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