when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she pinky promised me she was 18
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
