You really coming over, don't trick.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
