dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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