He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's the barista slut.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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