One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize