I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
