dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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