a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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