you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
