Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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