I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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