I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
