"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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