My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
