No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
