did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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