I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
third nipple confirmed
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
