Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
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I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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