oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
