he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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