My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
