I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
