Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
