rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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