eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
