my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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