Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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