btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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