considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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