its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
