you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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