3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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