we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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