i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so much tequila, so little girl.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
