I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
