How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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