Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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