wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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