i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
