Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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