The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
