i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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