i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
