hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
