Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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